I often think of our fertility journey as a bit like the woman who boarded a plane to Oakland, California, but ended up in Auckland, New Zealand. We, too, thought our journey would be much shorter than it turned out to be! The first time we tried to conceive, we were overjoyed to achieve pregnancy right away, only to face the heartbreak of a miscarriage after five weeks. Though it was a tough emotional blow, I held onto the encouragement from my gynecologist and friends who reminded me that the fact we had conceived was a positive sign. My husband and I picked ourselves up, believing that having a baby would be relatively easy for us. At that time, I was 33 and he was 37.
After a year of trying to conceive again on our own post-miscarriage, we sought assistance. Fertility tests revealed issues with sperm motility and morphology. To complement our treatment plan, we explored Eastern medicine, using herbs and acupuncture as we prepared for an IUI. Additionally, I had to undergo a procedure to remove a large uterine polyp that could interfere with embryo development and lead to another miscarriage. My biggest fear—that we would have to face invasive medical procedures—was becoming a reality, and I felt robbed of my dream for a natural conception. My husband, on the other hand, felt fortunate that we had solutions to our fertility challenges. Our differing perspectives created some tension, but his unwavering support encouraged me through it all.
In early January 2010, I checked into the hospital for my surgery. My husband held my hand tightly as I waited for my turn. Looking around the prep room, I reminded myself that my polyp removal was minor compared to what others were experiencing. Yet, it was my first time with an IV, and I was terrified. The procedure went smoothly, and I felt proud of my strength, viewing it as preparation for the challenges ahead.
A few weeks later, we returned to our doctor, hopeful that my uterus was ready for IVF. Unfortunately, the ultrasound showed it wasn’t quite there yet. Those months were filled with deep self-reflection. For the first time, I realized I was at the mercy of a situation completely out of my control, and it humbled me. Coming from a family that values achievement and perfectionism, I had always pushed myself hard. But conceiving a child is different; it doesn’t adhere to our timelines. The waiting felt endless, and I struggled with fear and frustration. I knew I had to master those feelings and trust that this was part of the process—our time to have a baby would come, just not right away.
Finally, in April, we were cleared to start fertility medications. Our egg retrieval yielded 30 eggs and 9 embryos, but the results of our embryo transfer were disappointing. I received the call from the clinic, and the nurses were sympathetic, saying, “We are so sorry. We know how much this means to you.” To make matters worse, another polyp had developed, requiring removal before we could try again. This setback forced me to take a step back from the fertility process. I focused on hobbies I had neglected in my quest for pregnancy. I hiked, read, cooked, traveled, and invested time in my relationships. By late summer, I felt like myself again and underwent the second polyp removal.
A few months later, my husband and I felt ready for another embryo transfer. This time, when I received the call from the clinic, it was met with “Congratulations!” After two and a half years, we were pregnant again! Now, our baby girl is six weeks old. As difficult as the journey was, I feel blessed to have experienced it. It taught me patience and the hard truth that we don’t always get what we want when we want it. It’s also helped me be kinder to myself, allowing me to be present with my little one. Most importantly, I learned that sometimes taking a step back can lead to moving forward, and every small step counts. That’s a lesson even our baby girl will understand someday!
For more insights on boosting fertility, check out our post on smart meal prep tips. And if you’re considering at-home insemination, resources like the BabyMaker kit can be a great option. For additional information on pregnancy, Healthline is an excellent resource.
In summary, our journey to parenthood was filled with unexpected twists, emotional challenges, and valuable lessons. It reminded us of the importance of patience, self-kindness, and the belief that every step, regardless of size, brings us closer to our dreams.