Getting pregnant caught me off guard. It’s not that I didn’t know the mechanics – I just didn’t expect it to happen when it did. My past had led me to believe that conceiving would be a challenge. After battling anorexia and undergoing a thyroidectomy at a young age due to a cancer scare, I had been told by various medical professionals that my chances of getting pregnant weren’t high, even at just 15. Tests indicated that I had stopped ovulating during that time. When I expressed my desire to try for a baby at 26, my endocrinologist warned me that healthy couples often took time to conceive, so I should relax. My gynecologist suggested taking a break from birth control to prepare my body for pregnancy, and my therapist shared her own long journey of trying to conceive, assuring me she’d support me through what I expected to be a tough road.
But then came the surprise. Just eight days after ovulating, I saw a string of positive pregnancy tests. My doctors were just as astonished. “We’ll adjust your thyroid medication immediately since women without thyroids often face unstable levels during pregnancy,” my endocrinologist told me, adding an apologetic “Wtf?” when I pointed out his initial skepticism. He wasn’t entirely off base; even healthy women are now monitored for thyroid issues during pregnancy, given the associated risks.
Every morning, I woke up anxious, checking for signs of miscarriage, fixating on the declining rates as each day passed. I kept my pregnancy a secret from all but my closest friends until I reached about 17 weeks. Despite a smooth pregnancy and a surprisingly natural labor, our daughter arrived just after her expected due date.
As my pregnancy progressed, I began to relax, realizing that my anxiety had perhaps undermined my journey. With my Type A personality, I started planning for our future, aspiring for children to be close in age. “Diapers and done,” I thought. “Siblings as friends. Then back to my career without losing too much ground.”
However, just three to four months postpartum, I found myself unexpectedly pregnant again, exceeding my initial family planning timeline. “Wow, we must really be fertile,” I joked. My due date was just a week after my daughter’s birthday. But at around 7-8 weeks, I experienced a miscarriage. It was disheartening, yet I rationalized that it likely wasn’t a strong pregnancy to begin with.
This experience only reinforced my desire for another baby. I wanted two under two; I envisioned my daughter growing up with a sibling close in age. After discussing my exceptional fertility with my endocrinologist, we decided to try again six months postpartum. And just like before, I conceived immediately. But soon after, I woke up to find I was bleeding.
“No, we were actually trying this time,” I pleaded with the universe. I continued to get positive tests until the bleeding intensified, and eventually, my tests began to fade. I became consumed with “vanishing twin syndrome,” reading every forum that mentioned “bleeding” and “still pregnant?” Sadly, my beta bloodwork confirmed my fears: another early loss.
After this second heartbreak, my endocrinologist noted my thyroid levels were off. We had misattributed my postpartum symptoms to the typical challenges of new motherhood, overlooking my underlying hypothyroidism. After changing my medication, I experienced the common ups and downs of thyroid management. It’s a waiting game, and my hopes for close-in-age siblings felt like they were slipping away.
As my friends welcomed their second babies, my daughter grew and began calling our dog “brother.” I found myself questioning if I had just been lucky with my first pregnancy. The societal expectation that having one child means you’re set for more only added to my confusion.
There are countless narratives of women facing infertility, and yet here I was, grappling with the reality that perhaps my journey to motherhood was more complex than I anticipated. The desire for a second child persisted, but the path felt uncertain.
If you’re considering home insemination, resources like Make A Mom offer at-home insemination syringe kits, and Vegas Pregnancy provides a free sperm donor matching service in Las Vegas. For those curious about how at-home insemination works, check out Make A Mom’s guide. If you’re preparing for labor, don’t forget to look at our blog post on essential items for your hospital bag here.
In the end, I’m left pondering the complexities of family planning and motherhood. Perhaps I’ll clear out the baby clothes – that seems to be the surefire way to invite another little one into the mix, right?
Summary: This article captures the unexpected journey of motherhood, detailing the author’s struggles with fertility and thyroid health, and the societal pressures surrounding family planning. Resources for home insemination and pregnancy preparation are also provided.