By Sarah Prager, March 25, 2022
As my partner and I embarked on our journey to conceive, I quickly found myself immersed in the overwhelming world of “TTC” (trying to conceive) forums, meticulously tracking ovulation, and scrutinizing every twinge in my body, convinced each was an early sign of pregnancy. The pressure to succeed in this monumental life transition can become all-consuming, making it easy to fall into obsessive thought patterns. I often wondered if taking a specific vitamin could marginally improve our chances. Would lying down for 30 minutes after insemination be more effective than just 15? The mental burden of questioning my worthiness in this process weighed heavily on me.
The emotional toll of trying to conceive is profound yet often invisible to those outside the couple experiencing it. The unique struggles are frequently kept secret, amplifying the isolation. With no clear timeline for success, each month without a positive test can feel like a significant loss, a reminder of failure.
“It’s an exhausting cycle of disappointment,” shares Maya, a 32-year-old who recently relocated from Minnesota to Texas. “You can’t control it, yet there’s a plethora of things you can attempt to influence the outcome,” she explained during our conversation. In her quest for answers, she found herself lost in countless TTC forums where people shared advice about vitamin regimens, herbal teas, or specific post-coital positions, hoping to regain a sense of control. “It offers a glimmer of hope, but it’s often a false hope,” she continued. “When the two-week wait ends in disappointment, it’s a week of grieving what could have been, followed by the process of rebuilding hope for the next cycle. It’s not a healthy routine.”
Maya has experienced this cycle numerous times since she got married in 2018, leading to multiple pregnancy losses and significant emotional strain. To cope, she turned to writing and began therapy, and even started medication to manage her anxiety. Meanwhile, she and her partner still face the well-meaning yet painful question from family: “When are you having a baby?”
As a woman of Hispanic descent living in the Midwest, Maya feels the cultural pressures that intertwine her identity and her ability to conceive. Similarly, Sarah, a 57-year-old life coach from San Diego, recalls the intense scrutiny she faced during her own fertility struggles decades ago. “I felt like I wore a scarlet letter, a constant reminder that I couldn’t conceive,” Sarah shared during our video call. The guilt consumed her to the point that she suggested her husband find someone else who could bear children. “Each negative pregnancy test felt like an anchor weighing me down,” she reflected. After years of fertility treatments, she and her husband chose to stop trying, only to welcome their two sons—one through adoption and the other through birth—within six months.
Both Maya and Sarah understand the deep pain of witnessing joyous pregnancy announcements or baby showers, even while genuinely feeling happy for others. Their shared advice is clear: don’t isolate yourself from loved ones during this challenging time. “One day, we will emerge from this struggle, and it’s vital to maintain those relationships and participate in life’s milestones instead of waiting in limbo,” Maya emphasizes.
Sarah notes that discussions around infertility have evolved since her journey began, with more support systems now available, particularly online. Maya wholeheartedly agrees that sharing experiences helps alleviate the burden, and both women recommend seeking professional therapy for those navigating this path.
“I refuse to let these negative emotions prevent me from enjoying life, even amid this struggle,” Maya reflects. For now, she and her partner have decided to take a break from trying to conceive for the sake of their mental well-being.
If you find yourself on this challenging journey, know that you are not alone, even when it feels isolating. Seeking support is crucial—whether through friends, a support group like the MakeAmom Community, or professional help. This journey touches on deeply personal issues, including identity, self-worth, and body image, and you deserve the support you need. For more information on home insemination, check out MakeAmom’s resources and learn how the process works by visiting this page.
Additionally, you may want to explore insights from Cleveland Clinic’s podcast on IVF and fertility preservation or read about a personal journey involving surrogacy and PCOS here.
To Summarize:
The emotional toll of trying to conceive can be overwhelming and isolating. It’s important to seek support, whether through friends, family, or professional therapy. Engaging in community resources like those offered by MakeAmom can provide invaluable assistance. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and prioritizing your mental health is essential.