In today’s post, we share the heartfelt journey of Maya and her family as they navigate the process of family building with a known donor. This is the second installment in our series that highlights and honors the unique experiences of families who choose this route. Each family in this series answers the same four questions, allowing their authentic voices to shine through. We hope you find this series insightful, and as always, your feedback is appreciated. We are continually inspired by the resilience and love within the MakeAmom community, and we extend our gratitude to Maya and her family for sharing their journey with us!
How did you know you were ready to start your family?
Maya shares that after her sister and niece lived with her and her partner for a year and a half due to her sister’s boyfriend being deployed, they felt a profound void when they moved away. The house suddenly seemed too quiet, lacking the joyful chaos that came with having a child around. Maya recalls, “I found myself humming songs from my niece’s favorite TV shows, and my partner would say, ‘I miss Harlie so much.’ That’s when we began discussing the idea of having our own little one to fill our home with laughter and love. Once we decided, we jumped in wholeheartedly!”
How did you find your donor? Did it take a long time?
Maya and her partner opted for a known donor, someone they were familiar with but didn’t have a close relationship with. Several names came to mind from their professional lives, and they sought someone who bore a resemblance to Maya. The first potential donor was flattered but ultimately declined because of his wife’s reservations. The second donor, already a father of two, seemed eager to help, but logistical issues arose, and they decided to move on.
Finally, they connected with a third candidate who was enthusiastic about being part of their journey. “It was a relief to find someone who genuinely wanted to contribute,” Maya says. She emphasizes that the most challenging part was mustering the courage to ask others to participate in such a personal endeavor. “I recommend writing down your thoughts beforehand to ensure clarity and avoid making anyone uncomfortable.”
What advice do you have regarding discussing a donor contract?
Maya found discussing the contract with their donor to be straightforward. “We drafted a contract ourselves and reviewed it with him to address any concerns he might have had. The contract was designed to protect everyone involved,” she explained. They made it clear that, similar to anonymous donations, there would be no further contact after the agreement was fulfilled.
Did you work with a lawyer for your donor agreement?
Yes, they consulted with a lawyer to ensure everything was legally sound. “I started by searching for contract lawyers in our area,” she notes. The lawyer they chose reviewed their contract, assuring them that it would hold up in court as long as all parties signed it. Although they were initially apprehensive about the potential for future parental rights disputes, having a formal agreement provided them peace of mind, even if it meant incurring significant costs.
If you’re considering using a known donor, please keep in mind that this narrative is anecdotal and should not be taken as legal or medical advice. For further insights, check out this comprehensive guide on sperm donation and family planning. Additionally, resources from Women’s Health on infertility may provide valuable information.
For those interested in support or additional resources, consider joining the free sperm donor matching group on Facebook, or explore MakeAmom’s at-home insemination services, which offer a unique reusable option. You can find out more about how at-home insemination works through this informative link.
To summarize: Maya’s journey underscores the importance of open communication, careful planning, and the emotional support of loved ones when considering family building through a known donor. The process may present challenges, but with determination and the right support, it can lead to the fulfillment of dreams for families looking to grow.