By
Samantha Collins
Okay, here goes me throwing caution to the wind: I really wish I had sleep trained my baby. Yes, I’m diving headfirst into a contentious topic and sharing unsolicited advice because, honestly, I am exhausted. You see, I’m currently sleep training my four-year-old, and let me tell you, it’s been an uphill battle.
How Did I Find Myself in This Situation?
Like many parental challenges, there’s a mix of factors at play. First off, I have a low tolerance for crying, a habit that started with our fussy firstborn. The thought of sleep training used to scare me, especially after witnessing my baby cry to the point of vomiting whenever I left her side, even while I was right there beside her, making empty reassurances.
For the first three years of my son’s life, we lived in a small apartment where even the faintest whimper could reverberate through the walls, disturbing everyone—including his barely sleeping sibling who also needed my attention. Let’s be honest, I’m a total pushover, especially at 2 AM when giving in to my child seems far more appealing than trying to instill some sleep discipline.
A New Attempt at Sleep Training
Fast forward four and a half years, and my son has slept alone in his room maybe three times. After relocating to a new house with his very own space, we’ve attempted to establish a bedtime routine that encourages him to stay in bed and not call for help every time he stirs. Spoiler alert: it hasn’t gone well. Sleep is clearly not his love language.
There was a brief, magical phase when he slept on his sister’s floor in a little cot, but his sleep talking and wild thrashing kept her awake, so he ended back in my bed. You might think sleep training an older child would be easier. After all, they understand that closing the door doesn’t mean they’re in a different universe, right? Wrong. No amount of nightlights, sound machines, or beloved toys seems to quell his nighttime fears, which he’ll explain in detail as long as I stand there with the door ajar and a look of impatience on my face.
The Bribery Dilemma
You might suggest bribing him—after all, isn’t it easier to motivate a child than a baby? Unfortunately, the “experts” warn against bribery, claiming it can lead to future issues. But let me tell you, if bribery worked, my son would be sleeping better than Cinderella. We’ve tried stickers, extra screen time, sweets, and toys, but as soon as night falls, the plan dissolves. Maybe we just haven’t found the right motivator yet, but a helicopter is definitely out of our budget, and dinosaurs aren’t exactly available.
Reflecting on Sleep Training
So what does “moving on” look like? I’m at a loss. But I do wish I had considered sleep training when he was an infant. Sure, it would have had its own challenges, but knowing what I know now, I could have been more open to it—even if it meant enduring a few sleepless nights and asking for help with late-night feedings.
It feels wrong to admit this, especially since moms already carry so much guilt. The last thing I want is to add to that burden. But for families with options, encouraging independent sleep can be worth considering if the thought of co-sleeping with a little human barnacle for four years is stressing you out.
At the end of the day, I know this phase will eventually pass. On the good days, I cherish those little snuggles and appreciate how easy he is to comfort. But on the tough days, I can’t help but wish I hadn’t gotten so far down this sleepless rabbit hole. Sleep training a four-year-old is a real challenge, but understanding how it could have been different with a baby might help clarify your own decisions.
Share Your Experiences
Have you had to sleep train an older child? Share your experiences in the comments below. And if you’re looking for sleep training tips, check out this helpful post on creating a calming bedtime routine for your baby.
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