When David and Emma from Brighton crossed paths in 2010, it was an instant connection. They shared their exciting yet challenging adventure of becoming parents to their son, Oliver.
David, a dedicated teacher, and Emma, a compassionate pharmacist, met a decade ago on the dating platform Gaydar. “It was love at first sight,” David reminisces. Fast forward five years, and the couple began discussing parenthood. “We realized we were getting older and wanted to have kids while we were still relatively young,” Emma recalls. “I remember watching a hospital drama where a couple welcomed their newborn, and I turned to David and said, ‘We’ll never have that.’ It was a somber moment, which pushed us to truly pursue our dream of having children.”
In 2016, David and Emma started exploring surrogacy options, reaching out to various surrogacy organizations. Unfortunately, their hopes were dashed when they discovered that the two major organizations had closed their waiting lists. “We were left feeling lost,” David explains. “We had talked to others who had gone through surrogacy, but for us, there were literally no options available.”
In 2017, while living in Basingstoke and considering a move to Brighton, the couple checked Surrogacy UK again and found that their waiting list had reopened. “Although it wasn’t the best timing for us, we knew we had to seize the opportunity and joined the list,” Emma shares. They attended a Surrogacy UK conference that October and participated in social events to connect with potential surrogates. “It was enlightening to see the scale of Surrogacy UK. Networking was crucial, so we made an effort to talk to as many people as possible, even though many events were in London, making us feel a bit isolated down South.”
David explains, “We learned about the etiquette of surrogacy, like how a surrogate should offer to help, and we should never ask.” Emma adds, “We didn’t feel any different in the community as gay parents compared to straight ones. Some surrogates prefer helping heterosexual couples because they often have faced a tougher journey, while others find it simpler to assist gay couples with less emotional baggage. It’s a personal choice, and we felt welcomed.”
While searching for a surrogate, they learned it was wise to create embryos using donor eggs beforehand, so the surrogate wouldn’t have to wait while they found a donor. “We were incredibly thankful to our egg donor; what she did for us was nothing short of amazing,” David notes. Soon after, they had embryos frozen and were ready to move forward when the time was right.
In July 2019, their surrogate reached out, expressing her desire to help them start their family. “We entered a three-month ‘getting to know’ period to ensure we were all comfortable with each other,” David remembers. “It was wonderful that she lived nearby. We spent quality time together during the summer, enjoying outings as families.” After this period, they all agreed to proceed, which filled David and Emma with joy.
The couple signed the necessary agreements with Surrogacy UK, discussing various scenarios with their experts. They decided on testing for genetic conditions and what to do if any complications arose during pregnancy. They approached Wessex Fertility in Southampton, a highly regarded provider of surrogacy treatments. Before starting, they all attended three counseling sessions to discuss the implications of surrogacy for the child and their family.
In November, they underwent their frozen embryo transfer, waiting anxiously for the pregnancy test results. “We were there with our surrogate when she took the test. It felt essential to be by her side, and she was supportive of our presence. When the test came back positive, we were over the moon!” David recalls.
The six-week scan was another pivotal moment for them. “Seeing the pregnancy on that screen was incredible; it felt like a milestone in our journey,” Emma reflects. They did everything possible to support their surrogate throughout the pregnancy. “We were thrilled to be present for her midwife appointments until the pandemic hit, which limited our involvement, but our surrogate kept us updated,” David shares.
Oliver was born on July 8, 2020. “Poole Hospital was fantastic, allowing us to be there during the birth. It was a whirlwind; things moved quickly,” David explains. While there was a tense moment when Oliver needed assistance breathing, the doctors remained calm and collected. “Once he was stable, we got to experience skin-to-skin contact, which was priceless,” Emma adds.
Now, David and Emma are loving life as parents to their joyful son, Oliver. “He adores music; when we sing to him, his laughter is infectious. He also loves looking at himself in the mirror,” Emma smiles. They are currently sharing parental leave, with Emma taking a six-month break before David takes his turn. “When I go to get him from his crib in the morning, that huge smile he gives me melts my heart,” she shares. “We are incredibly grateful to our surrogate, our egg donor, and the wonderful team at Wessex Fertility for making our dream come true.”
On November 26th, David and Emma had their Parental Order hearing, which they feared might be a lengthy process but turned out to be efficient. “It wrapped up in just 40 minutes! The judges seemed genuinely pleased for us, which was heartwarming,” David concludes. Now, the three of them can enjoy life together as a legally recognized family.
If you’re interested in further essentials for your newborn, check out our blog post on the ultimate newborn essentials kit.
For insights on artificial insemination, visit Make a Mom’s at-home insemination kit guide. Additionally, for comprehensive information on pregnancy, refer to this excellent resource on the World Health Organization’s website.
Summary: David and Emma’s journey to parenthood was filled with challenges and triumphs, from their initial search for surrogacy options to the joyful birth of their son, Oliver. With the support of their surrogate, egg donor, and Wessex Fertility, they have embraced their new roles as loving parents, navigating the ups and downs of family life together.