Black women face more than three times the risk of dying from pregnancy-related issues compared to their White counterparts. Despite two decades of reporting on this alarming disparity, meaningful action has been frustratingly scarce. In honor of Black Maternal Health Week, we chatted with Carmen Reyes, a doula who shared her personal journey as a Black woman navigating pregnancy and her desire to uplift others. Trigger Warning: Miscarriage
On the Lack of Support
My path to becoming a doula was deeply influenced by my own pregnancy experiences. After suffering a miscarriage, which was incredibly difficult, I felt the absence of support that many women encounter during such painful moments when they need it the most. This lack of help fueled my determination to pursue this calling.
I felt isolated and burdened with shame, grappling with confusion while my physical health seemed fine. The miscarriage revealed my mental struggles, something I had to confront head-on. It was challenging, but I eventually understood that it’s normal to not know how to cope with something unfamiliar. Up until that moment, I thought I was doing everything right—maintaining a healthy lifestyle, exercising, tracking my cycle, taking vitamins, and following a balanced diet. Yet, I felt so small and sad, as if I had failed my own body. My self-image shattered, leaving me feeling lost. I longed to talk about my experiences, but felt rejected and pressured to just get over it and put on a happy face. The expectation to heal quickly was overwhelming, but now I embrace the resilience I’ve gained.
‘It Happens to So Many, So You Are Not Special’
These words echoed in my mind, silencing me even further. I couldn’t voice my pain for fear of embarrassment or feeling inadequate as a mother. I felt sorry for myself but, because miscarriages are so common, I buried my feelings deeper, trying to act like everything was fine.
I kept telling myself, “I’m not special,” which led me to downplay my grief. But it mattered, and I realized I needed to be kinder to myself—a lesson that didn’t come easily.
On Finding Peace
It took me ten months to find a sense of peace. By exploring my inner self, I decided to embark on doula training because I wanted to guide others toward their own healing. I found solace in reading about others’ experiences with loss, including those who had faced multiple miscarriages. I discovered strength in my vulnerability and kindness, along with the support of a community that reassured me I wasn’t alone. I began to rewrite the narrative in my head, cancelling the blame I placed on myself.
On Becoming a Doula
Becoming a doula transformed my perspective. I now honor my trauma instead of hiding from it. Through my training, I uncovered my potential and realized I have so much to give. I aim to provide support and comfort to those navigating difficult experiences. Interestingly, my own trauma has opened me up, contrasting the isolation I initially felt from a lack of support. The training has been healing for me, even if my initial intention was to help others. With a fresh outlook, I’ve gained insight into the health sector and the pain we all endure, and I’m eager to dig deeper into how I can be a steadfast source of support.
As a proud Black woman, I’m passionate about advocating for others and emphasizing the importance of womb health. It’s crucial to acknowledge the systemic racism embedded in the healthcare system that often neglects Black women. Facing this uncomfortable truth is necessary to address the challenges that I—and many others—experience.
If you’re looking for more resources, check out our post on how to support your journey with home insemination, and don’t forget to explore this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination tips. You can also find helpful kits at Make a Mom to assist you on your path. And make sure to check out our Valentine’s Day giveaway for a chance to win something special here.
Summary
Carmen Reyes, a doula, shares her personal journey of loss and healing, highlighting the urgent need for better support in Black maternal health. After experiencing a miscarriage and feeling isolated, she found strength in her vulnerability and chose to help others navigate similar challenges. Carmen emphasizes the importance of community and self-compassion while advocating for systemic change within healthcare to support Black women.