Melissa James’s book, “Navigating the Path of Infertility: Understanding Your Options,” was eagerly awaited by around 1,500 followers already familiar with her deeply personal story.
“Our journey through infertility wasn’t the most complex, but I decided to share it on my blog and invited others to contribute their experiences,” she shares.
Rather than a collection of sorrowful infertility tales or a dry, academic manual, Melissa’s book serves as a heartfelt guide for those facing challenges in conception. It weaves in her own experiences while addressing topics ranging from medication use to discussing donor conception with children to embracing a child-free lifestyle, and everything in between.
From Treatment to Parenthood
Interestingly, Melissa was conceived through the help of a fertility doctor, yet it didn’t immediately dawn on her that she might also need assistance to start her own family.
“Our wedding was just after a significant event in history, which ignited our desire to have children right away,” she recalls. “I wanted to seize each day as if it were my last.”
So, when she discovered that conceiving wasn’t as simple as she’d imagined, it was quite a letdown. “The first year of marriage turned out to be more challenging than I expected. I thought, ‘Who takes longer than three months to get pregnant?’ After six months, we shelved the baby books and turned to infertility literature instead.”
Eventually, after realizing her irregular ovulation cycles were a barrier, Melissa and her husband sought help. The fact that her mother had previously seen the same doctor influenced their decision, but it was the clinic’s reputation that truly drew them in.
“Looking back, it’s funny that our doctor had transitioned to a new clinic right when we finally got pregnant,” Melissa recalls. “What really appealed to us was their commitment to being accessible around the clock, and we heard great feedback about them from others.”
Thanks to the convenience of their multiple locations, Melissa was able to fit fertility treatments into her hectic teaching schedule. “Plus, they even had a special snowplow to keep the clinic accessible year-round,” she quips.
Melissa worked closely with her main specialist, Dr. Sarah Mitchell, but appreciated the collaborative approach of the entire medical team. “The size of the clinic means you get access to a range of specialists and resources,” she explains. She likened it to her mother’s advice about choosing between a large university and a smaller college: “You can make a big school feel smaller, but you can’t expand a small school.”
She recalls two poignant moments that exemplified the personalized care she received. “Dr. Mitchell was incredibly compassionate. I still have the voicemail she left wishing us luck before our final procedure that led to our twins. Just thirty seconds of her time made such a difference for us.”
“During a setback, she assured me, ‘It’s okay to feel disappointed, but we have more options to explore.’ It was important for me to see the broader picture when I was only focused on one piece.”
Becoming a Voice for the Infertility Community
Known by various names online, including Lollipop Goldstein, Melissa felt a gap in resources when she began her journey in 2002. While she participated in online forums, she longed for more personal stories rather than just professional insights.
In 2006, she created “Stirrup Queens,” a blog that combined education with community support and quickly became a hub for many seeking connection. “I think it grew so quickly because it addressed a need I hadn’t found anywhere else—a space for community engagement and shared experiences,” she recalls.
What she cherishes most about her book is the diversity of stories it encompasses. “It’s filled with various perspectives, thanks to contributions from the community.” Now that her twins are in school, Melissa and her husband are contemplating expanding their family. A doctor they met during their twins’ NICU stay suggested they explore testing for a clotting disorder based on their family history.
“Only the doctors from my fertility clinic supported this idea. I was diagnosed with a couple of clotting disorders, so I take baby aspirin and extra folic acid for now, and will begin Lovenox when we conceive again,” she notes.
Melissa is currently taking a break from trying to get pregnant to focus on her new book. “It was a tough decision, and I shed quite a few tears when contemplating stepping back from treatment. I reached out to my community for advice and had deep discussions with my husband. In the end, we realized we still have some time,” she reflects.
However, Melissa firmly believes in not delaying fertility treatment, especially as she herself is a product of reproductive medicine. She often reminds her readers to assess their fertility status as they approach 35.
As Melissa guides her community through their struggles, the expertise and resources available at various clinics help patients navigate the often overwhelming landscape of infertility.