Being a solo parent was always my top choice.
In the journey of becoming a parent, Emily had two main motivations to pursue IVF: a hereditary genetic condition that posed risks of miscarriages and disabilities, and her deep desire to raise a child on her own. At TFP Fertility Oxford, skilled embryologists utilized pre-implantation genetic testing (PGT) to help her aspirations come true.
Emily’s Background
Emily, 33, has always had a passion for children, working as a nanny and hailing from a large, blended family with five siblings, all of whom have kids. She had long been aware that her father carried a genetic condition with the potential to affect offspring. In 2017, genetic testing confirmed she was a carrier.
“Genetics can be tricky,” she explains. “In my case, it’s a balanced translocation between chromosome pairs one and two.” This means there’s a small chance that a baby’s heart or brain development could be compromised if she were to conceive, along with an elevated risk of miscarriage.
The Decision to Pursue IVF
To avoid passing down any genetic issues, Emily knew she would need to have each embryo tested for abnormalities. At the time, she was in her late twenties and eager to start a family. She remembers signing up for every dating app available, but she found that her desire for children often scared potential partners away. “I didn’t encounter bad dates,” she recalls. “It just didn’t feel right. I’m quite independent and didn’t want to invest my time in another adult.”
A visit to the Fertility Show in London shifted her perspective. During a seminar on solo parenting, she noticed most attendees were women in their 40s. The speaker discussed the importance of processing the loss of a traditional family structure, and Emily realized she felt no sadness about it. “That’s when it hit me—I had been dating solely to find someone to have a baby with. IVF was clearly the best route for me.”
Finding the Right Clinic
Curious about her options, Emily researched costs at various fertility clinics, factoring in the additional expenses for PGT. She felt a bit overwhelmed until her mother stepped in with a generous offer to fund a round of IVF from an inheritance. Grateful, Emily searched for a clinic specializing in genetic testing, settling on TFP Fertility Oxford for its expertise and convenient location near her job.
Upon contacting the clinic, she received more encouraging news. The staff informed her that, due to the need for genetic screening, she qualified for NHS funding, covering three rounds of IVF with PGT and all frozen egg transfers until she had a child. The only out-of-pocket expense would be for donor sperm.
“The clinic team was fantastic. They explained everything, and just two months later, I began treatment,” she shares. After a brief medication regimen and her first egg retrieval, they created four embryos using donor sperm—only to find all were genetically abnormal. “That was a reality check. I had used one round of my NHS funding and was still far from my baby,” Emily reflects.
Success and Challenges
In the second round, however, luck turned. Of the seven embryos tested, three were normal, with one classified as mosaic—neither normal nor abnormal. Emily was ready to proceed with a frozen embryo transfer, but her uterine lining wasn’t thick enough for implantation. Increasing her estrogen dosage didn’t help, so her consultant decided to move forward anyway. The transfer took place in December 2019, and on New Year’s Eve, Emily received the joyous news that she was expecting her first child, a boy named Liam.
With two embryos still frozen, Emily began planning her next pregnancy when Liam was 18 months old. “As a solo mom, timing is everything—I needed my family around to support me,” she explains. “I delayed my IVF for a couple of months to avoid a holiday where 23 relatives were traveling at once.”
Though she never struggled with the medical regimen, juggling treatment with a toddler was challenging. “Administering medication while caring for a toddler is no easy feat. I often found myself wondering what day it was for my patches,” she says.
Despite the challenges, Emily’s second IVF attempt was successful, leading to the confirmation of her pregnancy with baby Mia.
Choosing a Sperm Donor
Choosing a sperm donor is a highly personal decision, and Emily wanted someone with similar traits. She found her donor through a licensed fertility clinic, ensuring all medical and legal procedures were in place for safe treatment. “I love being a solo mom. The choices are all ours,” she says.
Raising her children in a large, blended family, she emphasizes the importance of diverse family structures. “It’s not automatic for us to think a family must have a mom and a dad. I work hard to help my kids understand their origins and the various types of families out there.”
Her donor is Swedish, and Liam and Mia both share his striking white-blonde hair and bright blue eyes. “I’m open to them seeking him out when they’re older; I’m curious to see if they resemble him as well,” she adds.
A New Perspective on Solo Motherhood
Emily believes she represents a growing number of women who see solo motherhood as their primary choice, not a backup plan. “I’m part of a Facebook group for solo mothers by choice, and many are anxious about their fertility declining but still hope to meet the right partner. I can’t relate to that feeling. In fact, I find the idea of compromise quite unappealing,” she says.
“I co-sleep and breastfeed both my kids, and I’m grateful I don’t have to negotiate with anyone else about parenting,” she concludes.
Emily’s journey reflects a shift in societal attitudes—more people are embracing the idea of solo parenthood as a valid and fulfilling choice rather than a secondary option.
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Conclusion
In summary, Emily’s story showcases the evolving landscape of parenthood, where solo motherhood is increasingly seen as a legitimate, fulfilling option. Her journey through IVF, genetic testing, and the joys and challenges of raising children alone highlight the strength and determination of those who choose this path.