Becoming a single gay dad was definitely a conscious choice for me; my journey to parenthood has been both intentional and fulfilling. Now, with my six-month-old twins, Max and Lily, gazing up at me, I’m reminded that this dream began 25 years ago. At 50, I don’t feel like I’ve missed my chance. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and in my case, it took a village to create one. Thanks to a wonderful gestational surrogate and dear friends who helped as egg and sperm donors, I’ve finally realized my parenting dream.
Despite facing a challenging pregnancy that reached 36 weeks and 5 days, my little ones arrived safely, with Max weighing in at 5 lbs 12 ounces and Lily at 5 lbs 11 ounces. Now, at 6 months, they are both thriving at 19 lbs and have been sleeping a solid 11 hours each night since week 13. For those gearing up for parenthood, that’s quite the achievement! I feel incredibly grateful for the health of my babies and for the support I received throughout the process.
Choosing where to begin my journey was no easy task. I dug into the CDC’s fertility clinic data to compare options, seeking clinics with high success rates and substantial embryo transfer numbers. I wanted to ensure I was selecting the best possible path. I’d heard mixed reviews from other LGBTQ+ dads about their experiences, which made my decision even more crucial. As someone living with HIV, I was keen on finding a compassionate clinic that understood my unique situation.
Initially, I was told that the clinic I chose took a “conservative” approach. Now, I view that term differently. My first surrogate was a lovely woman, a mother of two, who had previously carried for a couple in San Francisco. Unfortunately, I learned through the clinic’s screening process that she had an “incompetent cervix,” which could have led to heartbreak and complications down the line. They saved me from a lot of pain and difficulty. The importance of this screening cannot be overstated.
Ultimately, I found a second surrogate who had successfully conceived through the clinic before. Though her insurance didn’t cover surrogacy anymore, I keep in touch with her, and she shares nothing but positive stories about her experience with the clinic.
While I could go on about how amazing the clinic was, I want to share that there’s much more to this journey than just the eventual happy ending. I was adamant about wanting twins from the start and had several discussions about the risks involved. At 48, I wasn’t eager to wait years for children, so I knew I wanted at least two. Looking back, I realize how right the clinic was in guiding me through this process.
Pregnancy was no walk in the park; it came with its fair share of challenges. Even my vaginal delivery came with a tougher recovery than I had anticipated. It’s a lot to navigate, especially as a single parent. Trust me, I’m driving more cautiously now that I’ve got two little ones to think about!
Every day, I’m in awe of Max and Lily. So far, parenting hasn’t felt overwhelming—maybe I’m just lucky to have great kids! My life experience at 50 has certainly made me more patient and organized. I appreciate that I got pregnant on the first embryo transfer, as each month before felt like lost time. Even now, I occasionally think about going back to the clinic, thawing my remaining embryos, and giving it another try.
Through the ups and downs, the clinic provided me with direction and clarity. The confidence I gained from their expertise instilled a sense of hope for potential future siblings for Max and Lily. But maybe I’ll opt for just one next time, keeping it simple!
For more insights into the journey of becoming a parent, you might find this post about your baby’s expected arrival date quite interesting. And if you’re seeking guidance on your fertility journey, check out this resource from Cleveland Clinic on IVF and fertility preservation, or explore options from an authority like Make a Mom for artificial insemination kits—it’s all part of navigating this rewarding adventure.
In summary, my path to fatherhood has been a deliberate and rewarding experience, filled with challenges and triumphs alike. From choosing the right clinic to navigating the complexities of surrogacy, I’ve learned that patience and preparation are key. Now, as I watch my twins grow, I feel grateful for every step along the way.