Today, we share the heartfelt journey of Lisa and Jamie as they navigate the path to parenthood. This story is part of our ongoing series that celebrates families formed with the help of known donors. Each family shares their unique experiences in their own words, and we hope their insights resonate with you. We are continually inspired by the love and determination within the MakeAmom community, and we extend our gratitude to Jamie for sharing their story.
When did you know you were ready to start a family?
Our family dynamic is a bit unconventional. When we decided to begin our family-building journey, we were already proud parents to a 10-year-old boy from a previous relationship. Although he’s not biologically related to Jamie, our bond is incredibly strong. When I (Lisa) met Jamie, she embraced my son as part of the package. We always envisioned expanding our family, but we initially felt we needed to be more financially stable—owning a home, having our cars paid off, and more. Fast forward nearly five years, and we realized that time was slipping away, and we were eager to start this new chapter. In 2019, we officially began our journey to conceive.
How did you find your donor? Was it a lengthy process?
We explored various lesbian trying-to-conceive (TTC) forums and Facebook groups, and we considered many recommended sperm banks and online resources. Some were costly and offered limited information about the donors, which was frustrating. Eventually, we discovered Knowndonorregistry.com (KDR), a free platform where donors share brief bios and photos. It felt like the “Facebook for donors.” You can filter your search by location, ethnicity, and even height. We quickly realized this was the right fit for us, as we wanted to avoid an anonymous donor. It didn’t take long before we found someone we connected with and reached out right away.
What advice do you have about discussing a donor contract? Was it an awkward conversation?
When we first met our donor, we instantly clicked, making it easy to bring up the topic of a contract. If the chemistry hadn’t been there, we would have been direct about our expectations and what the contract would entail. Our key advice is to be upfront about your terms and confident in your needs. Be open to dialogue about the contract but don’t feel pressured to alter it if you’re uncomfortable. Honestly, if we hadn’t felt secure in asking him to sign a contract, we wouldn’t have been ready to embark on this journey.
Did you consult a lawyer for your donor agreement?
While we didn’t hire a lawyer, we did have a friend in the legal field review our agreement for peace of mind.
A few words of wisdom:
- Be clear about your expectations. If you’re not comfortable with the donor or his stipulations, remember there are other options available.
- Prepare for the challenges of pregnancy and postpartum. Don’t hesitate to seek support and acknowledge any difficulties you encounter. This journey is beautiful, and the rewards of your efforts will be immeasurable.
If you’re considering using a known donor, it’s essential to remember that the experiences shared here are personal anecdotes and not intended as legal or medical advice. For further information, check out this resource from ACOG on treating infertility. If you’re looking for additional resources, we recommend exploring the MakeAmom website, which offers a unique reusable option for at-home insemination, as well as a detailed guide on how at-home insemination works.
For those interested in connecting with others on a similar journey, consider joining MakeAmom’s free sperm donor matching group on Facebook. You can also find helpful information about the home insemination process with a syringe.
To summarize: Building a family with a known donor can be a rewarding experience filled with love and determination. The journey may have its challenges, but with clear communication, proper planning, and support from the community, it can lead to the greatest joy of all: welcoming a new life into your family.