In this installment of our series celebrating family building with known donors, we share the heartfelt story of Emily and Sarah. We posed four essential questions to each family in this series, allowing them to share their experiences directly. We hope their journey resonates with you and provides valuable insights as you consider your own path to parenthood. A special thanks to Emily and Sarah for their willingness to share!
What prompted you to start a family?
Emily: I’ve wanted to be a parent since I was young. Growing up, I saw friends and family start families at a young age, but I decided to focus on my education first. I envisioned having my first child by 30, even if that meant purchasing sperm from a donor bank and embarking on the journey alone. That changed when I met my wonderful wife, Sarah, at a community event. Initially, we didn’t connect, but once we did, I knew she would be the perfect partner for starting a family. Sarah has a large, loving family; she was raised with five siblings and then adopted into a family with three more. She also maintains close relationships with her foster siblings. I realized her family dynamic would enrich our future child’s life.
Sarah: I also imagined having children from a young age, but I didn’t set a strict timeline. I wanted to finish my studies and settle down first. Being the oldest sibling, I naturally took on a nurturing role. When Emily shared her five-year plan, I was skeptical, thinking it was overly ambitious. Fast forward to 2017 when we got engaged, and then married in 2018. Now, five years since our first meeting, we’re thrilled to be expecting our first child! Our honeymoon in 2019 sparked our decision to start a family, even though we hadn’t planned it just yet.
How did you find your donor? Was it a lengthy process?
Finding our donor took about a year. Initially, we considered using Sarah’s brother as our donor, but the distance between us complicated matters. Ultimately, we discovered an app called Just A Baby, which functions like a dating app for sperm donation. We created a joint profile, outlining our preferences and what we were looking for. This led us to a local donor, making the process more convenient and efficient, especially during my ovulation window.
What advice do you have for discussing a contract with your donor? Was it uncomfortable?
We made it a priority to discuss signing a donor agreement early in our conversations with potential donors to avoid any misunderstandings later on. For some, we even sent the agreement for review before continuing discussions. Meeting someone new who could potentially father our child was initially awkward, but as we conversed, we found common ground and became more at ease.
Did you consult a lawyer for your donor agreement?
We opted not to hire a lawyer for the donor agreement; instead, we had it signed in front of a notary to ensure its validity.
If you’re contemplating using a known donor, please remember that this account is personal and not intended as legal or medical advice. For more information, check out this article from Family Equality and consider discussing your donor’s health and wellness, including STD testing.
For those seeking further guidance, MakeAmom offers a unique at-home insemination solution that’s reusable; learn more about it here. Additionally, for an engaging discussion on artificial insemination, this resource may be helpful. If you’re interested in connecting with others on a similar journey, check out our free sperm donor matching group on Facebook here.
To Summarize:
Emily and Sarah’s story illustrates the importance of communication and planning when using a known donor. They navigated the complexities of finding a donor and establishing agreements with care, ensuring that their journey to parenthood was both fulfilling and thoughtful. Their experience serves as a guide for others considering similar paths, highlighting the significance of support and shared goals in family building.