Lily is keeping her fingers crossed once again.
She’s thrilled to be pregnant, just as she and her partner, Mark, had hoped, and she’s still in her first trimester. There’s no medical reason for Lily to worry about the outcome of this pregnancy; however, it’s her third attempt, and understandably, anxiety is creeping in.
“I can’t wait until I’m huge and uncomfortable,” the 29-year-old reflects as she observes other moms-to-be in her OB’s waiting area, many of whom are further along than she has been in her previous pregnancies. “Right now, I live from ultrasound to ultrasound!”
Based on the results of various tests, both Lily and Mark appear to be perfectly healthy with no indicators of miscarriage. Yet, as many couples discover, early pregnancy loss is more common than most realize. Often, there’s nothing that could have prevented these losses, and predicting them is impossible.
A Difficult Start
Before deciding to start a family, Lily and Mark followed all the recommended steps. “We owned a home, prepared thoroughly, and the timing just felt right.”
They embrace a healthy lifestyle, exercising regularly, avoiding smoking and alcohol, and maintaining good nutrition. “I never thought we might face issues getting pregnant.” After tracking ovulation and basal body temperature, they were excited to learn they were expecting.
“Everything was going well until the 14th week,” Lily remembers. After experiencing light spotting, which she initially attributed to exercise, her OB informed her that while her cervix appeared normal, they couldn’t detect a heartbeat with the Doppler. An ultrasound revealed the heartbreaking news—there was no heartbeat.
Before her own pregnancy journey, Lily had little experience with conception or pregnancy challenges. As the first in her friend group to try for a baby, she found solace in online forums. “Being an only child, I had no one else to share this journey with,” she reflects, “and it was easy to remain blissfully unaware.”
Once it was confirmed her pregnancy was no longer viable, Lily underwent a dilation and curettage (D&C) procedure as suggested by her doctor.
“That was tough,” she recalls. “It’s not physically painful since you’re under anesthesia, but emotionally, waking up to realize it’s all over is hard.”
The days leading up to the D&C were agonizing. “I spent the weekend knowing what was coming; it was indescribable.” The follow-up visits, surrounded by pregnant women in the waiting room, were equally challenging.
Finding Acceptance
First trimester miscarriages are a reality that isn’t often discussed, yet they occur in about 25% of all pregnancies.
Typically, women discover this reality through their own experiences, as friends and family share similar stories. Instead of deterring couples from trying again, the commonality of early miscarriages can be viewed as part of the journey to parenthood. Most embryos are chromosomally abnormal, and if they were to reach term, the outcome would likely be the loss of the infant shortly after birth. The female body has mechanisms that facilitate the spontaneous miscarriage of embryos that cannot sustain life.
Lily and Mark had the remains of their first pregnancy tested for genetic abnormalities. The results took over a month to arrive. While the ultrasound technician identified their baby as a boy, the test results indicated a “healthy baby girl.” Lily learned that sometimes the tissue sampled might have belonged to her, not the embryo. The lack of clarity was disheartening, but the couple began trying for a baby again about three months later.
Attempting to conceive again after their loss felt different. “We didn’t take anything for granted this time,” Lily explains. “It was more emotional. The fun element was gone, but it brought Mark and me closer and solidified our desire for a baby.” Three months later, they were thrilled to learn they were expecting again.
“I took countless home pregnancy tests, scrutinizing the color of each one…,” she laughs. She also switched to a smaller OB practice that received rave reviews online. However, the information she found online about hCG levels was concerning. “What I read suggested my levels were low, but my doctor assured me everything was fine.”
The first ultrasound showed an embryo that was slightly behind in development, which heightened Lily’s anxiety. “I kept telling myself that this time would be different. After all, we’d done testing after the first miscarriage, so I thought it was just bad luck.”
At around her seventh week, an ultrasound revealed a blighted ovum—an early pregnancy where no embryo develops. “It was heartbreaking, but not as devastating as the first time,” she recalls. “The worst part was when my hormone levels dropped significantly in just one week. I felt so emotional and drained.”
To manage this miscarriage, Lily took misoprostol, a medication used to help the uterus expel contents in early loss. While she didn’t experience side effects, the resulting bleeding was distressing.
Making Positive Choices
Experiencing two losses in one year left Lily questioning whether she would ever have a baby.
During this time, she began working in the administrative offices of a fertility clinic. Encouraged by her colleagues, she sought the expertise of Dr. Sarah O’Connor, who conducted additional tests for both Lily and Mark. All results came back normal, and they were advised to try conceiving again without medical intervention.
Once again, Lily became pregnant. “This pregnancy feels daunting,” she admits.
She was prescribed progesterone to support the early stages of her pregnancy. Aside from that, she hasn’t been asked to change her routine significantly; however, she opted to reduce her exercise to low-intensity activities like walking or biking a few times a week. It gives her peace of mind, knowing she’s doing her best to support this pregnancy.
Lily is grateful for the occasional ultrasounds that help alleviate her anxiety.
A Hopeful Outlook
When asked if she and Mark have any special items for reassurance, such as fertility symbols, she shares that she relies on positive thinking. “I focus on the joy of holding my baby and remain as optimistic as possible. I tried good luck charms with the other pregnancies, but ultimately, I believe what will happen will happen, and I hope for the best.”
Mark took a bit longer to feel optimistic. “He only began to relax when I progressed further along in this pregnancy. Now that he sees my growing belly, he’s starting to engage and feel happier.” For many individuals, both men and women, maintaining emotional detachment early on can be a natural coping mechanism after previous losses.
Currently, Lily is embracing the aspects of pregnancy that some might find challenging. “Everyone else around me seems miserable, but I’m thinking, ‘This is wonderful! My hormones are doing what they should!’” she laughs.
She’s experiencing significant nausea and noticing her clothes fitting more snugly. “Seeing women further along makes me excited to reach that point. Sometimes, I wish I didn’t know so much about hCG and hormone levels.”
Lily believes that her research online and through various books helped her feel less alone after her first miscarriage. Her family has been supportive throughout this journey, as have her colleagues, making her feel understood. For further insights on overcoming challenges related to insemination, consider checking out our blog post here.
In summary, Lily’s journey through pregnancy has been fraught with challenges, but she remains hopeful and determined. With each step, she’s learning to embrace the experience while navigating her fears.