What No One Warns You About Raising a Teenager

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Updated: August 3, 2016
Originally Published: April 24, 2011

It’s hard to believe that after 16 years, I’ve suddenly got a moody teenager on my hands. Just yesterday, he was my sweet little boy, and now he’s transformed into a smoldering young man. How did we get here, and who allowed him to bring all this teenage angst into our home?

My friends and I often lament the absence of a manual when we were new parents. No one prepared us for the challenges we’d face once our little ones hit the teen years. When I looked at my infant son, I thought, “He’s adorable,” and “He smells so good.” As a new mom, my worries revolved around basic needs like feeding him and ensuring his safety. Those concerns, while valid, seem so trivial now—if only I could go back to those simpler times.

I never imagined that one day, I’d find myself whispering, “Please let him be alive,” every morning as I woke him for school, during particularly tumultuous times. The labor and delivery staff certainly didn’t mention that high school would be harder for mothers than for the kids themselves. The weight of their struggles sits heavily on our hearts, compounded by our own worries and guilt.

And while the pediatrician’s pamphlet at the one-year check-up provides useful tips, it doesn’t touch on the fact that at some point, you’ll find yourself praying your teen steers clear of “hard drugs.” You’ll have long discussions about what exactly qualifies as “hard,” all the while feeling as if you’ve stepped into a bizarre sitcom plot. But trust me, this is the reality for countless parents.

A friend of mine recently shared her concerns about her child’s behavior, humorously likening it to “serial killer behavior.” While that may be an exaggeration, haven’t we all had fleeting thoughts about our teens going down dark paths? After heated arguments, I often find myself thinking, “Please don’t let my teen turn into a nighttime monster.”

Reflecting on my own teenage years, I was rebellious, yet I never fantasized about harming my parents. This realization brings a glimmer of comfort during sleepless nights.

No one ever warned us that we’d find ourselves grappling with these unusual thoughts as parents. My daily mantras have become just as surreal as me now dyeing my eyebrows to hide the gray hairs sprouting.

  • “Please don’t harm yourself.”
  • “Don’t become a criminal.”
  • “Steer clear of drugs—especially the dangerous ones.”
  • “Don’t let my baby land in jail; he struggles with a Wi-Fi outage!”

If someone had forewarned us that parenting through the teenage years would be a reliving of our own, but even tougher, I’m convinced very few would choose to have kids.

Yet, I can’t help but be grateful. Thanks for not doing cocaine.

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In summary, raising a teenager is a challenging journey filled with unexpected fears and concerns that no one prepares you for. From worrying about their safety to navigating difficult conversations about drugs and behavior, it’s a rollercoaster ride that often leaves parents feeling overwhelmed.