Updated: Jan. 27, 2015
Originally Published: Jan. 19, 2010
Things have been pretty uneventful on the parenting front lately, and as a writer of a “mommy blog,” having boring kids doesn’t exactly provide me with fresh material. Rather than using my children as the punchline for my clever anecdotes, I’ve opted to share some of my own parenting missteps. Admittedly, this task was a bit challenging because A. some of these blunders aren’t exactly recent, B. I’m convinced I’ve lost a few brain cells with each child, and C. let’s just say my memory isn’t as clear as I’d like it to be, thanks to a few too many glasses of wine along the way.
So, let’s dive in! Here are my top three parenting fails:
1. The Day I Spun My Daughter in the “Circle of Doom”
Back in the winter of 2002, we were enjoying a cozy afternoon at my in-laws. My daughter, Lily, was just over a year old and eager to try out the new toddler swing my father-in-law had hung from a magnificent oak tree. We swung back and forth, having a wonderful time, until I had the brilliant idea to push the swing in a circular motion, much like a tire swing. I didn’t push hard, so I was shocked when the swing tipped over. Suddenly, my little girl was dangling out of it, screaming in terror. My first instinct? To yell, “Daddy, catch her!” and chase the swing around the yard while my husband and father-in-law sensibly caught her as she swung by. Thankfully, she was fine, but in hindsight, it’s one of those moments that’s just plain funny—eventually.
2. The Near Miss with the Quarter Horse
About six years ago, we visited friends in the countryside. Their home wasn’t exactly child-proof, and after a late night of socializing, I woke up to find my son, Jake, missing. Panic set in as I searched the house and yard, but he was nowhere to be found. Just as I was about to lose it, I spotted a glint of sunlight near the horse barn. I rushed over to discover Jake standing between the front legs of a hefty quarter horse named Thunder, who was munching on his hair! There he was, barefoot, in pajamas, and a diaper, grinning from ear to ear while I was frantically running around. In my eagerness to keep him away from the pool, I had forgotten to lock the front door.
3. The Muddy Birthday Debacle of 2011
More recently, we ventured out to the country again, where we concocted a rather wild activity involving a plastic hydro slide, a powerful golf cart, and a tow rope. Initially, it was all fun and games—until my husband and the driver decided to take the girls through what they thought was a shallow puddle. Spoiler alert: It was not just a puddle. The massive wave of muddy water that crashed over them was not appreciated, especially since it was one of their birthdays. Epic fail indeed!
Of course, we all experience the usual parenting blunders—like when your child gets into trouble only to spike a fever moments later, or forgetting sunscreen during a day at the pool. But the incidents I’ve shared here are some of my most memorable fails.
What’s wonderful about these experiences is that they often become cherished memories that we can laugh about later. Just say, “This is the WORST birthday EVER!” and my kids burst into giggles. We all mess up, and I genuinely believe that having the ability to laugh at ourselves is what helps us navigate the chaos of parenting. I look forward to more moments that will leave me feeling frustrated one second, but laughing uncontrollably the next.
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