This week, my son has decided that sleep is overrated. Seriously, he’s stopped sleeping altogether. As you can imagine, I’m feeling pretty drained.
After a night of absolutely no sleep, I thought it would be a fantastic idea to take both of my boys to Target post-nap (and I use “nap” very loosely) to score some massive diaper deals and pass the time. I figured that if we stayed home and I sat still, I’d likely doze off while my little ones wreaked havoc around me.
However, this trip to Target didn’t unfold the way I had envisioned. It turned out to be one of our most overwhelming outings yet. I won’t bore you with the details, but let’s just say that during the drive home, I realized that I wouldn’t even have the usual bedtime to look forward to, thanks to my son’s newfound ability to stay awake all night and appear at my bedside at random times.
In the midst of my tears, it suddenly hit me: I can’t have more kids. I’m at my limit. This is our family, and I’m worn out from parenting two boys. Although I dream of having more children, the thought of handling the ones I have feels like a mountain too steep to climb. I’ll never experience the joy of knowing my last pregnancy is my last. I won’t have a daughter to help prepare for prom, buy tampons for, or shop for a wedding dress. Wow, that escalated quickly.
Sometimes, I question if we made a mistake having two kids. There are days when everything feels too hard, and I worry about messing them up. Other days, I feel like we’re nailing this parenting thing and could easily handle five more kids!
Then there was today. After my emotional breakdown, a light bulb went off in my head. It struck me: I don’t need to know how many kids I’ll have right now.
People constantly ask questions like:
- Are you planning to have more?
- When will you try for a girl?
- I can’t believe you’re not pregnant again yet!
- You’re done having kids, right?
- Are you on birth control?
I usually respond with a lengthy explanation about how we intended to wait longer between our two boys—but since they are so close in age, we’re now opting to wait even longer for a third, unless, of course, fate intervenes. We aim to wait until my husband finishes college or until the boys are off to college (or at least potty trained), but we think we might want three or four eventually.
Today, however, my response shifted to, “We have no idea, and you’ll find out when we do.”
The future could go one of two ways: we might have more kids or we might not. There’s no rush to figure it out right now. One thing I’ve learned in my 26 ½ years is that our plans rarely unfold as we envision. If they did, I’d be living the dream with perfect children, a flawless marriage, and the time to bake like a pro.
The truth is, we don’t know what lies ahead. Even if we were certain we wanted two more kids, we might end up with none. Conversely, we might decide we don’t want any more and end up with two more. The unpredictability is part of life. I don’t mind the questions about future babies, but honestly, we have no concrete plans—and I’m learning to be okay with that. It’s not solely in our hands.
So, while our family might not be finalized just yet, it certainly feels complete for now.
For more on this topic, check out this post on mini IVF success rates and side effects. If you’re considering home insemination, Cryobaby’s home intra-cervical insemination syringe kit is a great resource. Additionally, WebMD offers insights on IUI success that could help guide your journey.
Summary:
This blog reflects on the challenges and uncertainties of parenting while contemplating the future of family size. The author shares emotional experiences and realizations about not needing to have all the answers regarding having more children. It emphasizes the beauty of uncertainty and the importance of savoring the present.