Updated: June 9, 2016
Originally Published: May 26, 2015
Recently, my family welcomed two new furry companions into our home: Max and Lily, both spirited black and white English setters rescued from separate shelters nearly 40 miles apart. They are delightful, loving, and a beautiful addition to our family. But why adopt two, you might wonder?
Last year, after enduring nearly nine months of deep sorrow, I discovered that my heart was ready to embrace love again, even after the devastating loss of Bella, my cherished dog of 13 years. The void Bella left behind was immense, and it seemed that only two dogs could help fill that space.
Anyone who has loved a dog—or any pet—unconditionally knows the heartache that follows such an attachment. I attempted to brace myself for Bella’s passing when she began showing signs of aging and illness a full year before I had to make the gut-wrenching decision to say goodbye. I wrote blog posts about how challenging this would be for our family and even created portraits of her, which might sound amusing but reflects the depth of grief I anticipated.
When the vet arrived to perform the gentle at-home euthanasia, I thought my heart would shatter. My husband and I chose to let Bella go in the comfort of our family room, ensuring that she wouldn’t feel anxious in an unfamiliar place. I held her close, feeling the weight of the long needle, and listened to her startled yelp as the tranquilizer took effect. I gazed into her eyes as she slipped away, and in that moment, I felt as though a piece of my soul had been torn away. Bella was not just a pet; she was a confidante, a loyal companion, and an irreplaceable member of our family.
The loss felt insurmountable. After her passing at 10 in the morning, I retreated to my bed, blinds drawn, until it was time to pick up the kids from school. The world outside continued moving forward, but I felt disconnected, as if I were living in a different reality. The absence of my beloved Bella at the door when I returned home was palpable. I missed her deeply.
In my grief, I found comfort in connecting with others who had also lost their pets. I was touched by how these individuals shed tears while recalling their own farewells. Society has rituals to help us process the loss of humans; why shouldn’t we honor the memory of our pets in the same way?
In the days and months following Bella’s departure, my family engaged in several meaningful activities that helped us cope with our loss. I hope sharing our experiences might provide comfort to others facing similar heartache.
1. Preserving a Piece of Her
Just as a parent might save a lock of hair from their child’s first haircut, I cut a small tuft of Bella’s soft fur before we said goodbye. I also saved her collar, both of which now rest safely in my jewelry box. Occasionally, I revisit these cherished mementos, which remind me of our bond.
2. Scattering Ashes in a Special Place
Bella first joined our family while we lived in Seattle. To honor her memory, my husband, kids, and I visited her favorite park, where we took turns sharing memories and love for her before scattering some of her ashes beneath a blooming shrub.
3. Planting a Memory
Bella loved to chase butterflies, so we planted a butterfly bush in our backyard as a tribute to her joy. We fertilized it with her ashes, and now colorful butterflies flutter through our yard, bringing life to her memory.
4. Creating a Memorial
After Bella was cremated, we received her remains in a simple wooden urn. It sits prominently in our family room, a constant reminder of the love we shared.
5. Allowing Time to Grieve
We took the time to fully grieve before considering adding new pets to our family. Many rush to find a replacement, but I knew that doing so too soon would lead to unfair comparisons. I allowed my grief to unfold naturally. Eventually, months later, I found myself signing up for an English setter rescue list, which led me to Max and Lily when my heart was ready to love again.
We humans are built to love, even when we know heartache is part of the journey. And ultimately, every moment spent loving is worth the eventual pain.
If you’re navigating similar waters, remember that resources like Make a Mom provide valuable insights, and ACOG offers excellent guidance on related topics. Additionally, for advice on managing energetic toddlers, check out this helpful post on toddler climbing tips.
Summary
Coping with the loss of a family pet can be a profound and heart-wrenching experience. By commemorating their memory through meaningful rituals, preserving mementos, and allowing time for grief, families can navigate their sorrow while honoring the love shared with their beloved pets.