Mommy guilt – a term I used to dismiss with a laugh before I became a mom. Now, it feels like an ever-present shadow, ready to consume me if I don’t keep it in check.
Before having kids, my guilt was occasional and fleeting. Now, it’s a constant companion. I find myself second-guessing every decision I make:
- I didn’t spend enough time engaging with my kids.
- I focused too much on chores and missed quality time.
- I cleaned the house, only to keep the kids from playing and making a mess.
- I missed taking them outside on a beautiful day.
- I took them out, and now they’re covered in bug bites.
- I read more with my oldest than with the younger ones.
- I worry I’m too lenient or too strict.
- I let them have sweets one day, then regret it the next.
- I sneak treats for myself to enjoy in peace.
- I don’t organize educational activities for them regularly.
- I didn’t breastfeed for as long as I wish I could have.
- I sometimes feel my dietary choices affected my child’s allergies.
- I let them watch too much TV, sometimes using it as a babysitter.
- I went shopping without them, despite their tears at the door.
- I remind myself to be grateful I can stay home, even when I’m not always happy.
- I find myself raising my voice more than I’d like.
The typical advice is to rid ourselves of mommy guilt, but doing so seems nearly impossible. Instead, I’ve decided to accept it.
Embracing the Guilt
Embracing this guilt has helped me recognize two things:
- I’m not perfect, and that’s okay. I strive for perfection, but accepting my flaws allows me to focus on loving my children as the imperfect mom I am. This teaches them not to expect perfection from themselves or others.
- My guilt is a sign that I care. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t feel guilty about anything. This understanding brings me some relief.
So, the next time guilt sneaks up on me, I’ll acknowledge it with open arms. I’ll thank it for reminding me of my deep love for my kids and commit to making small changes where needed. Then, I’ll send it on its way, knowing it will return, but perhaps with a little less power over me.
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In summary, instead of allowing mommy guilt to overwhelm me, I choose to embrace it as a sign of my dedication to my children. This perspective shift helps me foster a loving, imperfect family environment where we can all learn and grow together.