When you become a parent, you often oscillate between two thoughts: “I hope he’s just like me,” and “I hope he’s nothing like me.” More often than not, you get a blend of both—sometimes in a way that makes you question if the hospital mixed up your baby in the nursery. Last week, I found myself on the floor, attempting to comfort my 7-year-old son, Max, who was sobbing uncontrollably over the fact that he has too many friends. Yes, you read that right.
While most people fantasize about how they’d spend lottery winnings, I often envision the challenges my son might face and how I’ll support him through them. But never did I imagine I’d be wiping away tears while he lamented, “Everyone wants to play with me, but sometimes I just want to be alone!”
I struggled to suppress a laugh. How is this a problem? Growing up, my meltdowns usually revolved around insecurities like, “Why is my nose so big?” or “I just want to fit in!” But here was Max, writhing on the floor, and I knew I had to take his feelings seriously. He’s not like me; he’s a natural leader. Kids gravitate toward him, even though he’s a bit on the smaller side (and no, he won’t be catching up—both my partner and I are not exactly tall).
What Max lacks in height, he makes up for in humor, intelligence, and imagination. He’s confident, maybe too much so, believing he excels at everything, despite my occasional reminders that he’s not quite a comedic genius. “Mom, don’t you think my impression of John Travolta is amazing?” “It’s decent, honey, but I wouldn’t mistake you for him,” I remind him gently.
His outgoing personality and knack for humor have made him a playground favorite, but that popularity has its burdens. He expressed concern about telling one friend, Sam, that he needed some alone time. You see, Max isn’t typically the most considerate child; he’s been known to forget about others’ feelings. So in that moment, I felt a swell of pride when I saw him genuinely worried about hurting someone else.
I knew I had to teach him that while it’s important to be mindful of others, he can’t be solely responsible for their emotions. It was a delicate lesson, but I think he grasped it—or at least as much as a 7-year-old with a big ego could.
The next day, I went with him as he awkwardly told Sam he wanted to play by himself, assuring him it wasn’t a reflection of their friendship. “It’s not you, it’s me,” he said, channeling his inner adult. To my surprise, Sam shrugged and said, “OK.”
So, it seems possible to be kind while establishing personal boundaries. If I had learned this lesson as a child, perhaps I wouldn’t be such a people-pleaser today. Then I could honestly tell Max that his Travolta impression needs work!
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In summary, parenting can lead to unexpected challenges, like dealing with a child overwhelmed by friendship. Balancing empathy with the need for personal space is a valuable lesson, not just for kids but for parents too.