Parenting Insights
Updated: Aug. 21, 2023 | Originally Published: Feb. 9, 2013
If men come from one planet and women from another, then toddlers must hail from an entirely different universe. I often find myself questioning whether my toddler and I are communicating in the same dialect. Spoiler alert: we’re not. Yet, during those fleeting 45 seconds I have to myself, I can’t help but reflect on these unresolvable mysteries.
The interpretation gap between my toddler and me feels like attempting to communicate in French while actually speaking Gaelic. For all I know, the French person might think I’m inquiring about purchasing a horse wearing a pink fedora. Seriously, who even wears fedoras anymore?
Here are some amusing examples:
- What I say: Please tidy up your toys.
What my toddler hears: Let’s scatter the entire bin of cars across the floor! - What I say: Please finish your dinner.
What my toddler hears: Use your broccoli and carrots as race cars, drive them around the table, up your arm, and over your forehead. Then, meow like a cat for four whole minutes. - What I say: Get dressed.
What my toddler hears: Silence. - What I say: Please stop touching that.
What my toddler hears: Keep touching that! - What I say: Don’t jump off the stairs.
What my toddler hears: That was AMAZING! Next time, make sure to roll into a somersault and crash into the dining table. - What I say: Please share with your sister.
What my toddler hears: Absolutely do not let her have that toy. Protect it as if it’s the last toy on Earth! - What I say: No.
What my toddler hears: Ask me at least thirty more times. - What I say: Please put on your shoes.
What my toddler hears: Take off your shirt and wear your pants on your head.
Perhaps I should consider relocating to Venus. If there is any life there, I’m sure the communication barriers would be just as baffling as conversing with my kids. At least on Venus, I’d expect to hear the same question repeated thirty times and wouldn’t bat an eye at seeing someone with their pants on their head and pink fedoras on their feet.
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In summary, navigating the world of parenting feels like deciphering a foreign language. The humorous misinterpretations that arise when communicating with toddlers can leave us both amused and bewildered. Understanding these differences can ease some of the everyday challenges of parenting.