When my daughter, Lila, reached the age of two, she began to resemble her dad, and with that resemblance came an undeniable beauty. Her hair falls perfectly with a charming, slightly crooked part, and while her natural roots are coming through darker, the ends still boast those adorable baby curls. As her mom, I often feel an overwhelming desire to hug her tightly and shower her with affection—a feeling that can be scientifically understood but is best left unexpressed in certain ways.
I believe that many parents share this adoration for their little ones, as they are truly designed to be irresistible. Even when they throw tantrums over something as trivial as choosing between a cartoon-themed yogurt flavor, we instinctively want to protect these lovely beings. We don’t want to send them away to find a new parent who knows what they desire at any given moment.
So, in a world where every child is viewed as a precious gem, how should we approach the topic of beauty? With my son, I found this less complicated; I would occasionally refer to him as my handsome little guy without much thought. However, when it comes to Lila, I find myself hesitating. I often say, “You’re so beautiful!” but then quickly add, “And smart, and funny! You’re all those things too!”
This uncertainty stems from our society’s tendency to objectify women, often from an early age. From bows and dolls to our preoccupation with princesses, the message is clear: beauty matters. The more I reflect on this, the more I see “beauty” as something that can be problematic. I feel compelled to balance compliments about beauty with praise for other qualities.
Part of my hesitation comes from the realization that beauty, while desirable, is often superficial. I aspire to be interesting over merely beautiful, and I prefer to surround myself with those who bring depth to conversations—those who are funny, creative, and intelligent. While beauty is often an inherent trait, qualities like humor and kindness can be nurtured and cultivated. Recognizing these attributes can help foster a richer character.
I also think about the impermanence of beauty. While Lila’s intelligence and humor will be lifelong assets, her youthful appearance will eventually fade. I’ve witnessed the lengths some go to in order to hold onto their youth, and it makes me ponder: why not embrace aging? The most beautiful individuals I know are often those who possess wisdom and kindness, traits that shine brighter than mere physical appearance.
In my circle, the truly admirable people are those who are compassionate and understanding. They are the ones who listen and extend kindness to others. Kindness is a choice, a commitment we make every day, and it is limitless in potential. Unlike beauty, which can be fleeting, kindness is a quality we can all strive to embody.
I want Lila to grow up confident, as I believe confidence can significantly ease life’s challenges. Growing up, my grandfather would always call me “Beautiful,” and this frequent reinforcement helped me maintain my self-esteem, even during awkward phases.
So, for now, I allow others to shower her with compliments about her appearance. Lila is fortunate to have her own grandfather, who reminds her of her beauty regularly. Instead, I will focus on igniting her passions for intelligence, creativity, and kindness—qualities that will serve her far better than fleeting beauty.
As I nurture these aspects of her character, I hope she learns to view beauty through a more nuanced lens, appreciating depth over superficiality.
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Summary
: This article explores the author’s journey of refraining from solely praising her daughter’s beauty, instead focusing on nurturing her intelligence, kindness, and creativity. It reflects on the societal pressures surrounding beauty and emphasizes the importance of developing character traits that contribute to a fulfilling life.