When I encounter the phrase “given up” in discussions about adoption, it strikes a chord with me. My child, Max, was not “given up.” In fact, I have a strong aversion to the term when it comes to talking about adoption and children.
You might give up your daily coffee or let go of an aging vehicle, but you don’t relinquish a child. Strangers have often asked me, “Why did Max’s birth parents give him up?” My response is always, “They didn’t.”
The Complexity of Birth Parents’ Choices
There are countless reasons why individuals may find themselves unable to parent. Some reasons are heartbreaking, others might seem selfish, but most stem from a place of selflessness. Birth parents face an incredibly difficult choice when they decide to create a plan for their child’s future. They act in what they believe is the best interest of their child, despite the immense pain that decision brings. The courage it takes to make such a choice is truly profound. Most birth parents don’t simply “give them up.” This is especially true in the context of international adoption, which can be fraught with complexities and, at times, corruption.
Protecting Our Children
While it’s unrealistic for me to protect Max from every potentially hurtful situation, I will strive to do my best. I can’t always shield him from feelings of hurt, confusion, or anger, but I will work diligently to ensure he never has to ask, “Why was I given up?” Because I know that he wasn’t.
Additional Resources
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Conclusion
In summary, it’s crucial to approach conversations about adoption with sensitivity and understanding. The narratives surrounding birth parents and their choices deserve respect and acknowledgment of their strength.