Nostalgia often leads us to rewrite our past, giving us the chance to explain away that unforgettable perm you got right before the school photo. The senior quotation that you thought made you seem wise but only highlighted your teenage cluelessness? You now claim it was “ironic.” As we grow older, we sometimes retroactively don a facade of coolness, but certain things remain undeniable. While I proudly embraced the grunge scene with Soundgarden and Pearl Jam, I also found myself at a Poison concert multiple times and eagerly awaited a glimpse of the Enuff Z’Nuff band members boarding their tour bus. Everyone has those embarrassing musical guilty pleasures tucked away, hidden behind a faded ESPRIT crop top and a vintage “Spuds MacKenzie, Dean of Partyology” poster. So let’s shine a light on those truly uncool tracks that we simply can’t shake!
1. ‘Sister Christian’ by Night Ranger
Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking this song was ever cool. Sure, it topped the charts in Canada, and Night Ranger boasts some accomplished musicians with ties to Sly and the Family Stone, but that won’t save me from my guilty pleasure. I’ll still blast it and belt out the lyrics to my heart’s content in the Taco Bell drive-thru. “What’s my price for flight?” you ask, Night Ranger? Clearly, my dignity.
2. ‘How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?’ by Michael Bolton
Who can resist the heartfelt power of late ’80s Bolton? The striking hair, the powerful vocals—he even opened for Ozzy and dated Nicollette Sheridan. Yet, he’s almost universally deemed uncool. Michael Bolton is a rare talent with a great sense of humor, but let’s be real: cool? Not a chance, not even with those amusing cable ads. Do I care? Not when it comes to this melodramatic, lovelorn ballad.
3. ‘Conga’ by Miami Sound Machine
Before Gloria Estefan became the icon we know today, she and her husband Emilio introduced us to infectious island rhythms with this hit. While I outwardly expressed outrage over its overwhelming popularity in my South Florida home, I secretly danced my way through the grocery store and even while baking on the beach. These days, it’s a blend of nostalgia and homesickness, but I embrace Gloria’s wisdom and choose not to resist the urge to dance.
4. ‘God Gave Rock ‘N’ Roll to You II’ by Kiss
This one is a two-for-one. Enjoying Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure was considered cool, but loving its sequel, Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey? Not so much. I adored it then, and I still do. This Kiss cover of an Argent classic features on the Bogus Journey soundtrack and serves as the triumphant closing number. It’s over-the-top and utterly ridiculous, yet I can’t help but be amazed. Whether or not God truly infused rock and roll into our souls, I trust Paul Stanley’s word on it. (A special shoutout to all my Wyld Stallyns fans: Station!)
5. ‘Friends in Low Places’ by Garth Brooks
Is Garth Brooks considered cool? That depends on who you’re asking. If you’re trying to be all emo or alternative, the answer is a resounding no. Still, the undeniable charm of this crossover hit about toasting an ex and partying with more fun friends is hard to overlook. Everyone I know knows the words, everyone joins in when it plays, and while few will admit it, no one complains when it pops up on the jukebox. (More places should definitely have jukeboxes nowadays.)
This article was originally published on June 4, 2005.
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In summary, these five songs may be considered unfashionable by many, but they hold a special place in my heart. Embracing these guilty pleasures allows us to celebrate the quirks of our past while adding a little fun to our lives today.