Every parent knows the struggle of being unwell while managing the chaos of kids. A simple cold can feel like an insurmountable challenge, especially when it strikes at the worst possible moment—like when your child decides today is the day to attempt making their own lunch. Alone. With a knife.
While you’re confined to the couch, contemplating how far you can manage without the tissue box, here’s a humorous look at what you can expect when a parent gets sick:
- You might skip your shower for days.
- You’ll inevitably use your shirt as a tissue at least once.
- Your children will suddenly discover their volume button.
- They’ll be loud enough to pierce through your headache.
- You’ll realize you’re out of DayQuil and start eyeing the NyQuil.
- Your kids will want to binge-watch cartoons all day.
- Unbelievably, you might join in on the cartoon-watching.
- After a few hours, deep philosophical questions about the characters will arise.
- You’ll have no appetite, yet your kids will be ravenous.
- You’ll settle on a diet of bread and peanut butter for everyone.
- But of course, you’ll find you’re out of peanut butter, leaving you no choice but to cook.
- Great.
- A sore throat will make talking or yelling impossible.
- That’s when one child convinces the other to explore the toilet.
- You’ll then spend ages sanitizing the bathroom.
- You’ll forget you were even cooking lunch.
- The macaroni will have transformed into a mushy disaster. Time to start over.
- Your partner will call to say they’ll be late.
- Frustration will lead you to Google “Can I get arrested for spiking my spouse’s dinner with laxatives?”
- You’ll run out of tissues. And juice.
- After wrangling the kids into the car, you’ll head to the grocery store.
- You’ll return home $87 later, with children and bags in tow.
- Only to realize you wore the shirt you used to wipe your nose.
- You’ll call your mom, but it goes to voicemail, so you leave a desperate message.
- Then it dawns on you that the kids haven’t eaten lunch.
- Hmm… it’s close enough to dinner time to order pizza.
- You’ll turn PBS back on and get the kids excited about making a pillow fort.
- You’ll snuggle on the couch with a box of popsicles and zero care left to give.
- Pizza arrives!
- Two hours later, the house is a mess, the kids are asleep on the floor, and you finish the last slice of cold pizza just as your partner walks in.
After tidying up, you’ll slip into your coziest yoga pants, crawl into bed, and dream of bulk cold and flu syrup while relaxing at a tranquil B&B somewhere far away.
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Summary
Being a sick parent comes with a series of humorous yet relatable challenges, from negotiating with your kids over meals to finding ways to keep them entertained while you recover. Even in the chaos, you’ll find a way to adapt, often leading to unexpected moments of levity.