As a parent, I’ve done my fair share of questionable things, but slicing a single blueberry into quarters might just take the cake. The other day, while preparing a snack for my 17-month-old daughter, I reached for a pack of organic blueberries from the fridge. I plucked one out and cut it in half, recalling a tale that blueberries are roughly the size of a toddler’s throat, making them a choking hazard. Although this reasoning is undeniably ludicrous, I still proceeded to halve that blueberry.
As I examined the tiny pieces, I wondered if they were still too large. What if she attempted to swallow a half whole? So, I cut them into quarters. That’s when I burst out laughing, and my daughter joined in from her highchair. The pieces were so minuscule that she could hardly grasp them with her chubby little fingers. To save face, I decided to compile a list of perfectly reasonable explanations for why one might choose to quarter a blueberry:
- It’s excellent practice for the inevitable task of slicing peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches into perfect fourths.
- All the other fruits get chopped, and we wouldn’t want the blueberries to feel neglected or bullied by the cantaloupe.
- You need to reveal the blueberry’s true color—green on the inside!
- One day, you might need to perform surgical procedures on your child’s first goldfish, and blueberries are a similar size.
- You want to prevent the dog from choking on a half blueberry when your toddler tosses it aside in a fit of random rage.
- Some blueberries might contain fortunes, and who wouldn’t want to discover that? (It’s true!)
- The Very Hungry Caterpillar could be inside munching away, and the last thing I want is for my daughter to accidentally munch on him.
- Tiny gnomes in your pantry might try to snatch it for a soccer match in the cereal box.
- Blueberry juice is rumored to have knife-sharpening properties (totally true).
- With two hands and two feet, you can do the math on all the pieces.
Feel free to reference this list indefinitely, no royalties required. You’re welcome!
This article was originally published on Sep. 29, 2012.
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In summary, while cutting a blueberry into quarters may seem absurd, it can be justified in a variety of humorous and practical ways. Whether you’re preparing snacks or navigating more complex parenting decisions, a little laughter and creativity can go a long way.